Ratio Scientiae
Ratio Scientiae Blog
  • Home
  • Meet the Author
  • Ratio Scientiae Blog
  • Random Science
  • Writing & News
  • Nonfiction Books
    • Science Can Be Right Because It Can Be Wrong
  • Fiction Books
    • The Sun Zebra
    • Spirit Women
  • Science Cat (Mascot)
  • Contact

4/18/2019

Science Jokes

0 Comments

Read Now
 
Picture
It’s time to lighten up my blog a bit. Every area of human endeavor develops jokes that rely on specialized knowledge, and science is not an exception. So without further ado, I present to you some of my favorite science jokes with the accompanying technical explanation.
 
Psychoanalysis
The critic said that the problem with Freud is that none of his theories are testicle.


The founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, believed that 
“slips of the tongue” or “Freudian slips”  occurred because the subconscious mind would transfer thoughts to the conscious mind. He thought these slips revealed what was really in the person’s mind when they were talking. In the case above, the intended word was “testable”.
​
​

Plant Biochemistry
A plant biochemist walks into a gardening store. He asks the clerk, “Do you have that inhibitor of enolpyruvylshikimate-3-phosphate synthase?" The clerk frowns and replies, “Do you mean, roundup?” The biochemist hits his forehead with the open palm of his hand and exclaims, “Yes, sheez, I can never remember that name!”

Enolpyruvylshikimate-3-phosphate synthase is an enzyme necessary for plants to convert sugars to many compounds vital for life. The herbicide roundup (a glyphosate derivative) inhibits the activity of this enzyme, thus killing the plant.
 
Behavior Science
Q: Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A: No, but it makes me salivate.

Ivan Pavlov performed a series of famous experiments where he made dogs associate the presentation of food with the ringing of a bell. The dogs then would salivate in response to the sound of the bell, even if food was not presented. This is known today as classical conditioning.
 
Neuroscience
Q: What are the two things all people enjoy?
A: Serotonin and dopamine

All pleasurable feelings are generated in the brain by systems of neurons that, upon activation, release the neurotransmitters serotonin or dopamine. Therefore, technically speaking, when you enjoy something you are really enjoying the release of these two chemicals which produce and maintain the pleasurable sensation.
 
Math
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have one beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third one says, “I’ll have a fourth of a beer.” The fourth one says, “I’ll have an eighth of a beer.” The bartender interrupts, saying, “You guys should know your limits.” and pours two beers.

The joke is based on an exponential function that has an asymptote that approaches a limit at infinity. After the first mathematician orders one beer, it can be shown that even if millions of mathematicians successively order a volume of beer which is half of that ordered by the previous one, all these volumes added together will approach one whole beer at infinity. Therefore the one beer ordered by the first plus the total volume of beer ordered by the rest for all practical purposes equals two beers.
 
Quantum Physics
Werner Heisenberg and Edwin Schrodinger are driving down the highway and they get stopped by a cop. The cop says to Heisenberg, “Do you know how fast you were driving?” Heisenberg replies, “No, but I can tell you where I am.” The cop says, “You were doing 90 miles per hour in a 55 miles per hour zone.” Heisenberg replies, “Oh no, now I’m lost!”  Puzzled, the cop tells them to get out of the car and begins searching it. He finds a dead cat in the trunk, and says, “Do you know you have a dead cat here?” Schrodinger answers, “Now I do!”

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle states that either the speed or the location of a particle can be known, but not both. Schrodinger’s Cat is a famous thought experiment meant to be critical of the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics which states that particles exist not in one state, but in a superposition of possible states until they are observed. Schrodinger’s experiment linked this interpretation to a cat in a box whose life depends on the state of a particle, leading to the inference that, until the box is opened and the cat is observed, the cat is neither dead nor alive, but both. Two additional jokes based on this premise are:

Schrodinger’s Cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

Wanted, dead and alive: Schrodinger's cat.
 
Chemistry
A chemist walks into a candy store, and says, “Do you have some Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium?” The clerk nods his head and hands him a bar of chocolate.

The chemical symbols in the periodic table for these elements are, Carbon (C) Holmium (Ho) Cobalt (Co) Lanthanum (La) and Tellurium (Te). A related joke based on a similar premise is:

A chemist asks an attractive woman if she is full of beryllium, gold, and titanium because she is be-au-ti-ful!

The chemical symbols are: beryllium (Be), gold (Au), and titanium (Ti).

And one more chemistry joke:

Two atoms are walking down the street, and one says, “Oh dear, I think I’ve lost an electron. The second atom says, “Are you sure?” The first one replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

When an atom loses an electron, it acquires a positive charge.
 
Topology
Q. Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
A. To get to the same side.

A Möbius strip is a ribbon that only has one side.
 
Microbiology
The microbiology lab has a sign on the door which reads: “STAPH ONLY”.

Staph, is an abbreviation of Staphylococcus, a genus of bacteria that may cause infections in humans. Here it is used as a pun for “Staff”.

Computer Science
There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

Computers operate using a binary (base 2) language made up of zeros and ones. The number 2 in binary is “10”.
 
Astronomy
Basic astronomy exam trick question: How many weeks are there in a light year?

Answer: None, a light year is a unit of distance (the distance light travels in a year) not of time.
 
Cell Biology
The math teacher says, “Multiplication and division are two different functions.” A cell sitting in the front of the class raises its pseudopod and says, “Not for me.”

To reproduce, cells multiply, and this involves dividing to form new cells.
 
Biology
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits next to a woman, and says, “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” The woman gives him a dismissive look, and asks, “Who are you?” The mushroom replies, “I’m a fungi.”

Here the plural of fungus, fungi (also the phyletic classification of the Kingdom “Fungi”) is used as a pun for “fun guy”. Mushrooms are fungi.

 
Note: these are jokes I’ve heard or read “here and there”. I have no idea who the original authors are, or if they are copyrighted. If that is the case, and you don’t want me to feature your joke here or you want me to attribute it, please let me know.
 
Photographic portrait of Sigmund Freud by Max Halberstadt is in the public domain and was modified from the original.
​

Share

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

Details

    Categories

    All
    911
    Absence Of Evidence
    Adrenaline
    Adrenochrome
    Advances In War Medicine
    Affidavits
    Alder's Razor
    Alfred Wegener
    Alzheimer's Disease
    Amyloid Theory
    Ancient Astronauts
    Animal Rights
    Animals
    Anthony Fauci
    Anthropomorphism
    Antibodies
    Anti Vaccination
    Astronauts
    Autumn
    Bambi
    Believers
    Bias
    Big Bang Theory Sitcom
    Bigfoot
    Bill Ney
    Black Death
    Blind Experimental Design
    Brain
    Brains
    Building 7
    Buoyancy
    Cancer
    Cannonballs
    Carnivores
    Catoctin Mountains
    Cell Culture
    Center Of Mass
    Challenger
    Chance
    Chemical Names
    Chemical Reactions
    Chemtrails
    Chesapeake Bay
    Chimborazo
    Citations
    Citogenesis
    Civil War
    Climate Change
    Climategate
    Climate Skeptics
    Clinical Trial
    Coelacanth
    Coincidence
    Cold-Stress
    Communicating Science
    Completeness Of Scientific Theories
    Consciousness
    Conspiracy
    Contrails
    Controls
    Coquina Rock
    Coronavirus
    Counterintuitive Facts
    COVID19
    COVID 19 Vaccine
    COVID-19 Vaccine
    Creationism
    Cross-Sectional Method
    Cryptozoology
    Dan Shechtman
    Demonic Possession
    Density
    Devotion To Science
    Dihydrogen Monoxide
    Dinosaurs
    Discrimination
    Disgust
    Dishonesty In Science
    Diversity In Methodologies
    Diversity In Scientists
    DNA
    Doctors
    Donald Trump
    Double Slit Experiment
    Do Your Own Research
    Dreams
    Dr. Gloom's Crypt Of Curiosities
    Drugs
    Dust Bunnies
    Eclipse
    Efrain Racker
    Einstein
    Elections 2020
    End Of The World
    Erosion
    Established Science
    Everest
    Evidence
    Evolution
    Exorcism
    Experimenter Bias
    Experiments You Can Do In Your Home
    Experts
    Extinction
    Face Masks
    Facts
    Faith
    Faith Healing
    Fall
    Falsifiability
    Fantastical Claims
    Fauna
    Fear
    Feynman
    Finger Snapping
    Fosbury Flop
    Francis Crick
    Frankenstein
    Fraud
    Frederick's Municipal Forest
    Free Will
    Fruit Fly
    Funerals
    Funny
    Galaxies
    Genes
    Genius
    Geology
    Global Warming
    Global Warming Denial
    Gravitational Waves
    Gravity
    Gun Violence
    Hanlon’s Razor
    HeLa Cells
    Henrietta Lacks
    Heroic Science
    Hitchens's Razor
    Hoax
    Homosexuality
    Human Experimentation
    Human Folly
    Hurricane
    Hydroxychloroquine
    Hypothesis
    Ignaz Semmelweis
    Ignorance As Evidence
    Immunotherapy
    Infamy Or Glory
    Influenza
    Insults
    Intelligence
    Intelligence Tests
    Intelligent Design
    Iraq War
    Irish Washerwoman
    Isaac Asimov
    James Watson
    Katherine Hayhoe
    Language
    Lazarus Effect
    Left Fork Rocks
    Level Of Detail
    Libet Experiment
    Lightning
    Limericks
    Limitations Of Science
    Loch Ness Monster
    Lord Howe Island Stick Insect
    Mad Scientist
    Magnus Effect
    Max Planck
    Medical Risks
    Medical Terms
    Mediums
    Mental Illness
    Mice
    Microbiome
    Mind
    Mind In The Gutter
    Misuse Of Science
    MMR Vaccine
    Mnemonic Devices
    Moments Of Discovery
    Monty Hall Puzzle
    Movies
    NASA
    Natural
    Nature
    Nature Of Science
    Negative Evidence
    Nerds
    Newton
    Nobel Prize
    N-Rays
    Obesity
    Occam's Razor
    Open Mind
    Ouija Board
    Oxbow Lakes
    Para-Dimethylaminobenzaldehyde
    Paranormal
    Pasteur Louis
    Peak Of Illusion
    Peers
    Perception
    Philosophy
    Phobias
    Physics
    Pink Lady's Slippers
    Plague
    Politicization Of Science
    Polywater
    Popper’s Falsifiability Principle
    Possible/Impossible
    Power To The People!
    Predatory Journals
    Pregnancy
    Premonitions
    Probability
    Prophesy
    Pseudoscience
    Psychic
    Publication
    Puerperal Fever
    QAnon
    Quack
    Quackery
    Quantum Mechanics
    Quartzite
    Racism
    Radical New Ideas
    Randomness
    Ratio Scientiae
    Reality
    Reason
    Religion
    Rock Climbing
    Rosalyn Franklin
    Sagan's Standard
    Salem Witch Trials
    Sample Size
    Science Fiction
    Science Jokes
    Science Pranks
    Scientific Consensus
    Scientific Establishment
    Scientific Guidelines
    Scientific Journals
    Scientific Method
    Scientific Names
    Scientific Question
    Scientific Terms
    Scientific Theories
    Seashells
    Self-Experimentation
    Shape Of The Earth
    Skepticism
    Skeptics
    Skin Color
    Slavery
    Snake Oil
    Soccer
    Sonic Hedgehog
    Spanish Flu
    Spontaneous Generation
    Stanley Prusiner
    Stars
    Star Trek
    Statistical Significance
    Statistics
    Sublime/Ridiculous
    Suicide
    Surface To Volume Ratio
    Swanson Conversion
    Swine Flu
    Tangier Island
    Taxonomy
    Technical Details
    Thomas Young
    Timeline Method
    Transposable Elements
    Trusted Messenger
    Trust In Scientists
    Truth
    Tyranny Of Fantasy
    Understanding
    Universe
    Vaccine Hesitancy
    Vaccines
    Vacuum
    VAERS
    Valley Of Despair
    Values
    Video Games
    West Side Story
    Wikipedia
    Wolf Rock
    Women
    World Trade Center
    Xenophobia
    Zinc
    Zombies

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • Meet the Author
  • Ratio Scientiae Blog
  • Random Science
  • Writing & News
  • Nonfiction Books
    • Science Can Be Right Because It Can Be Wrong
  • Fiction Books
    • The Sun Zebra
    • Spirit Women
  • Science Cat (Mascot)
  • Contact