Ratio Scientiae
RATIO SCIENTIAE BLOG
  • Home
  • Meet the Author
  • Ratio Scientiae Blog
  • Random Science
  • Writing & News
  • Nonfiction Books
    • Science Can Be Right Because It Can Be Wrong
    • The Gift of Science
    • Random Science
  • Fiction Books
    • The Sun Zebra
    • Spirit Women
  • Science Cat (Mascot)
  • Contact

11/6/2020

Lightening the Mood With Coronavirus Jokes

0 Comments

Read Now
 
Picture
The statistics are grim. More than 235,000 Americans are dead. We are entering the dark winter of the second pandemic wave. And it seems the best strategy the government has been able to muster is “live with the virus”, which is a de facto herd immunity approach of sorts, but without the discipline and thought that was put into it by the Swedes (although even that didn’t go that well). So in this dire situation what can we do, apart from wearing a mask, social distancing, washing our hands, and avoiding crowded places? There is one more thing we can do which is in fact the one thing we have always done in in the face of tragedy: tell jokes!
 
Back when the Spanish Flu killed half a million Americans in 1918, people lightened the somber mood enveloping the country by composing poems and coming up with witticisms. One of my favorites is a children’s jump rope rhyme:
 
I had a little bird,
Its name was Enza.
I opened the window
And in flew Enza!
 
COVID-19 has been no exception to the unwillingness of the human spirit to suppress a laugh when confronted with misfortune. Today we will go over a few of the jokes spawned by this pandemic dealing with things ranging from quarantine, social distancing, masks, and vaccines to 2020, Zoom, alcohol, and the government’s response to the virus.
 
​
Social Distancing
After weeks of staying indoors eating and drinking, the COVID-19 curve may be flattening, but the buttons of my shirt have started social distancing from each other!
 
Person #1: He’s a natural. Staying inside, social distancing, and cleaning himself are practically second nature to him.
Person #2: Whom are you talking about?
Person #1: My cat.
 
Social distancing guideline in Leon County, Florida: “This is a reminder that during COVID 19, please remember to keep at least 1 large alligator between you and everyone else at all times.”
 
 
COVID-19
The World Health Organization (WHO) announced that scientists have finally figured out that dogs cannot catch COVID-19, so all dogs previously held in quarantine can be released. The WHO let the dogs out.
 
During COVID-19, an epidemiologist, an infectious disease expert, and an ICU doctor walk into a bar…just kidding, they know better.
 
Remember the times when we used to eat the cake after someone had blown on it to snuff the candles?
 
Reopening feels so good and liberating. No more lockdowns, social distancing, or masks! I went to the bar and ate and drank and sang with my buddies. My only complaint is that they must have changed the food because I couldn’t taste anything.
 
COVID-19 Scientists: If we provide the American people with the facts, they will all do what is sensible.
Climate Scientists: Ha, Ha, Ha…
 
 
Face Masks
Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that it would be considered OK to walk into a bank wearing a mask and ask the teller for money.
 
One dog to another: Why are they wearing muzzles?
 
Americans: I have to cover my face. I can’t interact with people, and I am told to stay at home. This is terrible!
Women in Islamic Countries: First time?
 
Saying that wearing a mask during the pandemic is living in fear is like saying that using oven mittens means you’re afraid of the oven.
 
Pssst, Hey, the government has placed hidden cameras with facial recognition software everywhere. The only way to prevent them from tracking you is to wear face masks. Pass it on!
 
 
COVID-19 Vaccine
Some people fear that the COVID-19 vaccine will have a microchip that will allow the government to track them, and all these people own smart phones.
 
I have received the Russian coronavirus vaccine, and I have had no problemы. Я think что vaccine подействует на всех, кто ее получит.
 
 
Using Zoom
Today I attended a Zoom conference wearing my work pajamas.
 
Due to COVID-19, they had the first remote trial via Zoom. It’s seems that things will be settled out of court.
 
I told a joke during my Zoom meeting, but people didn’t find it remotely funny.
 
I thought the year 2020 would fly by, but I didn’t know it would Zoom.
 
 
The Government (or Lack Thereof)
The 16 people of the White House Coronavirus Task Force got up on a tightly packed stage and recommended avoiding social gatherings of more than 10 people.
 
Q: How is COVID-19 like a disaster movie?
A: Every disaster movie starts with the government ignoring the scientists.
 
Person #1: I just received a very detailed, thorough, and thoughtful plan to deal with the virus.
Person#2: Did you get it from the government?
Person #1: No, from the owner of my gym.
 
Who do you believe? The guy who spent his life studying viruses, or the guy who wonders out loud during a press conference whether the virus inside the body can be treated with bleach or ultraviolet light?
 
Whenever you think that no one listens to you, and feel irrelevant and useless, just remember that somewhere Dr. Fauci is trying to advise the government about COVID-19.
 
 
Quarantine and Working from Home
Q: What type of jokes do people tell during quarantine?
A: Inside jokes!
 
Thirteen years from now, the babies born during the coronavirus baby boom will be known as the quaranteens.
 
People who are bored during quarantine have no imagination. For example, I’ve found out that while one bag of rice that I purchased had 10,537 grains, another had 10,339.
 
This is your pilot speaking. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic I’m working remotely from home today.
 
Quarantine is getting on my nerves. Today I swear I heard my dog say to me, “See? This is why I chew the furniture”.
 
Son: Dad, why is my sister named “Paris”?
Father: Because your mom and I conceived her in Paris.
Son: Oh, OK, thanks Dad.
Father: No problem, Quarantine.
 
I ran out of toilet paper during quarantine, so I started using lettuce leaves. Today was the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
 
I was once told that I would never accomplish anything by lying in bed all day, but look at me now. I’m flattening the curve and saving the world!
 
My heart goes out to all those husbands that told their wives, “I’ll do it when I have the time”.
 
Quarantine is getting on my nerves. Today I had to ask my husband to blink a little more quietly.
 
Now everyone wants to know what introverts do for fun.
 
If this quarantine goes on too long it will be very hard to go back to a society where we are required to wear pants and bras.
 
 
Beer and Spirits
What do you know? I tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came out a margarita!
 
Even people really into booze were astonished to find out their hands were consuming more alcohol than their mouths!
 
Person #1: I thought you said you were sick, but here you are drinking beer.
Person #2: Well, that’s not what I meant when I said “I have a case of Corona”.
 
I got small supporting role in a movie they are going to make about COVID-19. I’m going to be a Corona Extra.
 
Your quarantine alcoholic name is your first name followed by your last name.
 
Customer: I’ll take a Corona minus the virus, ha, ha, ha.
Bartender:
 
 
Year 2020
It’s as if Camus, Kafka, Beckett, Ionesco, Vonnegut, Orwell, and Brecht all got drunk together, wrote a play, and entitled it “2020”.
 
Optimist: The glass is half full with beer.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty of beer.
2020: That’s pee.
 
Man, what a year 2020 has been! Just yesterday the Pentagon confirmed that UFOs exist, Elvis was cloned, and the moon landing was faked, and it barely made the news!
 
13 says, “I’m the worst number!”
666 says, “No, I’m the worst number!”
2020 says, “Bitches, please.”

 
 
Image from ph used under a CC0 1.0 Universal (CC0 1.0) Public Domain Dedication license.

Share

0 Comments
Details

    Categories

    All
    911
    Absence Of Evidence
    Adrenaline
    Adrenochrome
    Advances In War Medicine
    Affidavits
    Airplane On Conveyor Belt
    Alder's Razor
    Alfred Wegener
    Alzheimer's Disease
    Amyloid Theory
    Ancient Astronauts
    Animal Rights
    Animals
    Anthony Fauci
    Anthropomorphism
    Antibodies
    Anti Vaccination
    Astronauts
    Authority Figure
    Autumn
    Bambi
    Believers
    Bias
    Big Bang Theory Sitcom
    Bigfoot
    Bill Ney
    Black Death
    Black Holes
    Blind Experimental Design
    Brain
    Brains
    Building 7
    Buoyancy
    Cancer
    Cannonballs
    Carnivores
    Catoctin Mountains
    Cell Culture
    Center Of Mass
    Challenger
    Chance
    Chemical Names
    Chemical Reactions
    Chemtrails
    Chesapeake Bay
    Child Abuse
    Child Testimonies
    Chimborazo
    Citations
    Citogenesis
    Civil War
    Climate Change
    Climategate
    Climate Skeptics
    Clinical Trial
    Coelacanth
    Coincidence
    Cold-Stress
    Communicating Science
    Completeness Of Scientific Theories
    Consciousness
    Conspiracy
    Contrails
    Controls
    Coquina Rock
    Coronavirus
    Counterintuitive Facts
    COVID19
    COVID 19 Vaccine
    COVID-19 Vaccine
    Creationism
    Cross-Sectional Method
    Cryptozoology
    Dan Shechtman
    Demonic Possession
    Density
    Devotion To Science
    Dihydrogen Monoxide
    Dinosaurs
    Discrimination
    Disgust
    Dishonesty In Science
    Diversity In Methodologies
    Diversity In Scientists
    DNA
    Doctors
    Dog Experiments
    Donald Trump
    Double Slit Experiment
    Do Your Own Research
    Dreams
    Dr. Gloom's Crypt Of Curiosities
    Drugs
    Dust Bunnies
    Eclipse
    Efrain Racker
    Einstein
    Elections 2020
    End Of The World
    Erosion
    Established Science
    Everest
    Evidence
    Evolution
    Exorcism
    Experimenter Bias
    Experiments You Can Do In Your Home
    Experts
    Extinction
    Face Masks
    Facts
    Faith
    Faith Healing
    Fall
    Falsifiability
    Fantastical Claims
    Fauna
    Fear
    Feynman
    Finger Snapping
    Fosbury Flop
    Francis Crick
    Frankenstein
    Fraud
    Frederick's Municipal Forest
    Free Will
    Friction
    Fruit Fly
    Funerals
    Funny
    Galaxies
    Genes
    Genius
    Geology
    Ghost
    Global Warming
    Global Warming Denial
    God
    Gravitational Lens
    Gravitational Waves
    Gravity
    Gun Violence
    Hanlon’s Razor
    Hearing
    Hearing Aids
    Hearing Loss
    HeLa Cells
    Henrietta Lacks
    Heroic Science
    Hitchens's Razor
    Hoax
    Homosexuality
    HPV Vaccine
    Human Experimentation
    Human Folly
    Hunting
    Hurricane
    Hydroxychloroquine
    Hypothesis
    Ignaz Semmelweis
    Ignorance As Evidence
    Immunotherapy
    Infamy Or Glory
    Influenza
    Insults
    Intelligence
    Intelligence Tests
    Intelligent Design
    Intersex
    Iraq War
    Irish Washerwoman
    Isaac Asimov
    James T. Kirk
    James Watson
    Katherine Hayhoe
    Language
    Lazarus Effect
    Left Fork Rocks
    Level Of Detail
    Libet Experiment
    Lightning
    Limericks
    Limitations Of Science
    Loch Ness Monster
    Lord Howe Island Stick Insect
    Loud Music
    Luck
    Mad Scientist
    Magnus Effect
    Malaria Vaccine
    Max Planck
    Medical Risks
    Medical Terms
    Mediums
    Men
    Mental Illness
    Mice
    Microbiome
    Milgram Experiment
    Mind
    Mind In The Gutter
    Misuse Of Science
    MMR Vaccine
    Mnemonic Devices
    Moments Of Discovery
    Monty Hall Puzzle
    Moon
    Movies
    NASA
    Natural
    Nature
    Nature Of Science
    Negative Evidence
    Nerds
    Newton
    Nobel Prize
    NOMA
    N-Rays
    Obesity
    Occam's Razor
    Open Mind
    Ouija Board
    Outreau
    Oxbow Lakes
    Para-Dimethylaminobenzaldehyde
    Paranormal
    Pasteur Louis
    Peak Of Illusion
    Peers
    Perception
    Philosophy
    Phobias
    Phrenology
    Physics
    Pink Lady's Slippers
    Plague
    Politicization Of Science
    Polywater
    Popper’s Falsifiability Principle
    Possible/Impossible
    Power To The People!
    Predatory Journals
    Pregnancy
    Premonitions
    Probability
    Propaganda
    Prophesy
    Pseudoscience
    Psychic
    Publication
    Puerperal Fever
    QAnon
    Quack
    Quackery
    Quantum Mechanics
    Quartzite
    Racism
    Radical New Ideas
    Radioactivity
    Radium
    Randomness
    Ratio Sapientiae
    Ratio Scientiae
    Reality
    Reason
    Religion
    Rock Climbing
    Rosalyn Franklin
    RSV Vaccine
    Sagan's Standard
    Salem Witch Trials
    Sample Size
    Science Fiction
    Science Jokes
    Science Pranks
    Scientific Consensus
    Scientific Establishment
    Scientific Guidelines
    Scientific Journals
    Scientific Method
    Scientific Names
    Scientific Question
    Scientific Terms
    Scientific Theories
    Seashells
    Self-Experimentation
    Shape Of The Earth
    Skepticism
    Skeptics
    Skin Color
    Slavery
    Snake Oil
    Soccer
    Sonic Hedgehog
    Space
    Spanish Flu
    Spontaneous Generation
    Stanley Prusiner
    Stars
    Star Trek
    Statistical Significance
    Statistics
    Sublime/Ridiculous
    Suicide
    Sun
    Superstition
    Surface To Volume Ratio
    Swanson Conversion
    Swine Flu
    Tangier Island
    Taxonomy
    Technical Details
    The Support Of God
    Thomas Young
    Timeline Method
    Tooth Worm
    Transposable Elements
    Trusted Messenger
    Trust In Scientists
    Truth
    Tyranny Of Fantasy
    Understanding
    Universe
    Vaccine Hesitancy
    Vaccines
    Vacuum
    VAERS
    Valley Of Despair
    Values
    Video Games
    West Side Story
    West Virginia Penitentiary
    Wikipedia
    William Shatner
    Wolf Rock
    Women
    World Trade Center
    Xenophobia
    Y Chromosome
    Zinc
    Zombies

    Archives

    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • Meet the Author
  • Ratio Scientiae Blog
  • Random Science
  • Writing & News
  • Nonfiction Books
    • Science Can Be Right Because It Can Be Wrong
    • The Gift of Science
    • Random Science
  • Fiction Books
    • The Sun Zebra
    • Spirit Women
  • Science Cat (Mascot)
  • Contact