More Terrible Science Jokes and Puns

With all the anxiety and uncertainty around us, I think it is again time to bring some levity to my blog. A while back I posted some terrible science jokes and puns that people seemed to like, so here I present you with more terrible science jokes and puns along with explanations of why they are funny.
 
A man got cooled to absolute zero. He's 0K now.
The so called “absolute zero” (the temperature at which molecular motion ceases) is reached at -459.67°F and is measured in units called Kelvins symbolized by a “K”. Absolute zero is reached at zero Kelvins or “0K” (zero degrees Kelvin), which is used as a pun for “OK” as in “all right”.
 
A scientist started reading a book about Helium, and he just couldn't put it down.
Helium is a gas which is lighter than air, so it rises.
 
Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion!
A cation is an atom that has lost an electron and thus has acquired a positive charge. The joke is a play on words with the animal, “cat”, and its traditional nemesis, the dog.
 
The nerd says, “My girlfriend is like the square root of -100, a solid 10, but also imaginary.”
An imaginary number is a number that is multiplied by the square root of -1, which is symbolized as “i”. The square root of -100 is 10 multiplied by “i”, in other words, “10i” (ten, but also imaginary).
 
The elements oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and rolling his eyes says, “Oh, snap!”
The chemical symbols for these elements are: oxygen (O), hydrogen (H), sulfur (S), sodium (Na), and phosphorous (P).
 
The old professor had studied endothermic reactions way before they were cool.
Endothermic reactions are chemical reactions that take up a net amount of heat from the environment. The joke exploits the play on words of “cool” as in low temperature and “cool” as trendy.
 
The name's Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared
The joke is a play on words on some James Bond quotes. One is providing his name (The name’s Bond, James Bond), and the other is ordering a martini “shaken, not stirred”. The joke is based on the fact that when two atoms are bound by an ionic bond (as opposed to a covalent bond), they don’t share electrons; rather one atom takes an electron and acquires a negative charge while the atom that loses the electron acquires a positive charge.
 
There is an argument at the scientists’ bar. Newton threateningly says to Einstein, “I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation”. Einstein smiling cheekily replies, “Oh, I believe I’m relatively aware of it.” Darwin steps between them and says, Hey, guys, don’t let this evolve into a fight.”
Newton formulated the law of universal gravitation, Einstein the theory of relativity, and Darwin the theory of evolution. Despite the joke, Newton (1642-1726), Einstein (1879-1955), and Darwin (1809-1882) were not contemporaries (Darwin died when Einstein was 3 years old).
 
If you are a student struggling with calculus, just remember that Isaac Newton also struggled with calculus…when he invented it.
Gee, thanks.
 
After many years of effort, Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
Einstein’s theory was about both space and time, which were merged into a single entity called “spacetime”. Here the play on words is made with the phrase “it was about time too” as in promptness.
 
The doctoral student turned in the first draft of his thesis on Darwin’s theory of evolution. His professor said it would be decent with modification.
Darwin defined evolution as “descent with modification”.
 
A newlywed couple visiting Yellowstone National Park engages in a game to see which of them can get closer to a wild buffalo. The question is: who wins? The answer is: Darwin.
Darwin’s stated mechanism for evolution, natural selection, is a process by which those organisms that are fit, survive and have progeny. The implication of the joke is that if you do something stupid that gets you killed you will not be able to pass your genes to the next generation (you will be selected against).
 
Despite their popularity, antibiotics will never go viral.
Antibiotics are not useful for viral infections, but the word “viral” is used as in when a meme spreads in social media.
 
When life gives you mold, make penicillin.
This is a play on word on the phrase, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It is an allusion to the accidental discovery by Alexander Fleming that certain molds secrete a substance with antibacterial properties. This substance is penicillin, the first antibiotic. In 1945 Fleming was corecipient of the Nobel Prize for the discovery of penicillin.
 
A chemist and a biologist go hunting, and a statistician tags along with them. They find a deer and the chemist and the biologist shoot it at the same time. The biologist’s shot misses the deer by a foot to the left. The chemist’s shot misses the deer by a foot to the right. The statistician yells, “We got him!”
The average of both shots is, of course, smack in the middle of the deer.
 
A medical student hit another student in the head with a human bone during anatomy class. It was humerus.
Humerus, the bone vs, humorous, the funny situation.
 
Are you a carbon sample? I’m asking because I would love to date you.
This is a play on words on dating as in determining the age of something and dating the social interaction.
 
Gregor Mendel received the Nobel Peas Prize.
Gregor Mendel is considered the father of genetics due to his ground-breaking work in figuring out the laws of inheritance by breeding peas. He died in 1886. The first Nobel Prizes were awarded in 1901. One of the Nobel prizes is the Nobel Peace Prize.
 
The thymocyte wailed in despair, “Oh my God, I can’t do this alone! Please, is there anyone out there who will assist me?” It was a Helpless T Cell.
Immune cells originating in the bone marrow and reaching maturity in the thymus are called thymocytes or “T cells”. Some T cells differentiate into a type of cell called “Helper T cells” which have important roles in immunity. The one featured in the joke was obviously not up to par.
 
I told a joke involving the elements, cobalt, radon, and yttrium. People thought it was corny.
The chemical symbols for these elements are: cobalt (Co), radon (Rn), and yttrium (Y).
 
OK, I'm out of Science jokes, maybe I should Zinc of a new one.
Zinc/think, get it?
 
Wait don’t go, I’ve got another joke. It’s on the tip of my tungsten.
Tungsten/tongue, get it?
 

​To my knowledge these jokes and puns are not copyrighted. If you hold the copyright to any of these jokes or puns, please let me know and I will acknowledge it. Image by Perlenmuschel from Pixabay is free for commercial use and was modified.

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