A while ago, I posted some science jokes in my blog. I followed that by posting some terrible science jokes and puns, and then more terrible science jokes and puns. Today I present to you even more terrible science jokes and puns, along with (when necessary) an explanation of why they are funny.
The chemistry student e-mails his professor claiming that he has been able to react lithium with argon. The professor replies to the e-mail by writing, “You are a LiAr”.
Argon is an element that doesn’t react with any other element. The chemical symbols for lithium and argon are, “Li” and “Ar”, respectively. If lithium did react with argon the formula of the resulting compound would be “LiAr”. The play of words is with liar as in a person who utters falsehoods.
Q: What was the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms
The Ohm is a unit of electrical resistance named after the German physicist George Ohm. The play on words is with Holmes, the surname of the famous detective character created by the British writer Arthur Conan Doyle.
The wife of the logician says, “Can you please go to the grocery store and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six.” The logician leaves and returns with six cartoons of milk. Puzzled, the wife inquires, “Why did you buy six cartoons of milk?” The logician replies, “They had eggs.”
As Sherlock Holmes would say, “Elementary.”
I blew up my lab doing a chemistry experiment. Oxidants happen.
A play on words on “accidents” and “oxidants”, which are chemicals that can react very strongly and can be hazardous if not handled safely.
The scientists Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein covers his eyes and counts while Pascal hides, but Newton stands behind Einstein and draws around himself a one meter by one meter square box in the ground. Einstein finishes counting, turns around, and opens his eyes. Upon seeing Newton in front of him he says, “I’ve found you Newton, now you’re it”. Newton says, no you haven’t found me, you’ve found Pascal.
A Newton is a unit of force named after the English scientist Isaac Newton. A Pascal is a unit of pressure named after the French scientist Blaise Pascal. A Pascal is a force of one Newton applied to a surface of one square meter. The joke is that because Newton was standing on a square meter, he was really a Pascal (a Newton applied to a square meter), so Einstein had found Pascal, not Newton.
Q: What kind of bear dissolves in water?
A: A polar bear!
Compounds that have positive and negative charges are said to be polar. These compounds can easily dissolve in water by interacting with the water molecules. The play on words is with the type of bear (a polar bear).
Heliocentric System: the Earth and the planets revolve around the sun.
Geocentric System: the sun and the planets revolve around the Earth.
Egocentric System: everything revolves around you.
I’ve met a few people during my lifetime who believed in this last system.
The chemist says, “Alcohol is not a problem. It's a solution.”
As in a liquid.
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...
And if you can’t figure this one out, you belong to the other kind.
Q: Who led the people of Israel across a semi-permeable membrane?
The process by which molecules of a solvent cross a semipermeable membrane from a less concentrated solution to a more concentrated solution is called osmosis. This is a play on words on the Moses of the Bible.
Q: What is BUNNY-O-BUNNY
A: Ether Bunny
An ether is a chemical entity where two identical molecules (R) are joined through a bond with an oxygen (O) in a manner described as “R-O-R”. In the above case the “R” molecule is “bunny”, and the resulting ether (ether bunny) is a play on words on Easter Bunny.
The professor said wryly to his students, “Remember, a couple of months spent in the laboratory can save you a couple of hours in the library.”
The normal advice goes in the opposite direction.
Q: What did the stamen say to the pistil?
A: “I like your style."
The stamen is the male organ of a flower, and the pistil the female organ. The style is part of the pistil. The play on words is with “style” as in elegance or refinement.
Sodium sodium, sodium sodium, sodium sodium, sodium sodium, sodium sodium, sodium sodium, sodium, BATMAN!
In the original Batman series from the 1960s staring Adam West as Batman, the lyrics of the show’s theme song featured a section (which can be heard 35 seconds into this video) that went: Na Na, Na Na, Na Na, Na Na, Na Na, Na Na, Na, Batman! The joke is that “Na” is the chemical symbol for sodium.
To impress a lady, the nerd says to her, “You must be made of uranium and iodine because all I can see is U and I.” The lady replies, “Wow you must be a germanium-nickel-uranium-sulfur, eh?”. They nerd says, “Well, yes, thank you.” The lady then adds, “You also obviously don’t understand sulfur-argon-calcium-samarium.”
The chemical symbol for the element uranium is “U” and the one for the element iodine is “I”. The chemical symbols for germanium-nickel-uranium-sulfur spell “Ge-Ni-U-S”, but the chemical symbols for sulfur-argon-calcium-samarium spell “S-Ar-Ca-Sm”.
The mathematician told a joke. He said, “There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator”, but only a fraction of the people got it.
The top number of a fraction is the numerator while the bottom number is the denominator, and they are separated by a fine line (the division symbol).
The geology student said, “Of quartz I love geology, it’s just that I don’t take it for granite.”
Play of words of “of quartz” as in “of course”, and “granite” as in “granted”.
And now for the Grand Finale!
I think the name “Saturn” has a nice ring to it.
I am mindful of gravity because, after all, it’s the law.
I think that supernovas are a blast, but black holes suck.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity, and I can’t put it down.
I have a new theory of inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
I told a story in science class to illustrate the effects of friction, but it was a drag.
I did not invest in the company that wants to build a time machine, because I think it has no future.
To my knowledge these jokes and puns are not copyrighted. If you hold the copyright to any of these jokes or puns, please let me know and I will acknowledge it. Image by Perlenmuschel from Pixabay is free for commercial use and was modified.
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