Bad Science Jokes and Puns

It’s time to lighten up my blog, so I again present you with a selection of bad science jokes and puns along with an explanation of why they are funny.
 
Q: What type of fish is made up of two sodium atoms?
A: 2Na
The chemical symbol for sodium is “Na” (its Latin name is “natrium”). The joke is a play on words on how the first two letters of the name for the fish, tuna, (“tu”) sounds like the word “two”, and is followed by the chemical symbol of sodium.
 
If you feel irrelevant, remember, YOU MATTER! Unless, of course, you are accelerated to the square of the speed of light, in which case, YOU ENERGY!
The joke makes a reference to Einstein’s famous equation which states that energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light, and exploits the ambiguity in the meaning of the word matter as in “that which occupies space” vs “someone being significant”.

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A psychologist shows a patient several inkblots, and the patient replies that they all look like a couple making love. The psychologist tells the patient, “Based on the results of the test, I conclude that you seem to be obsessed with sex.” The patient retorts, “What do you mean I’m obsessed with sex? You are the one who is showing me all the dirty pictures!”
The joke is based on an actual test called the Rorschach Test, which uses inkblots. It is used by psychologists to test for thought disorders such as schizophrenia and, more controversially, to evaluate a person’s personality.
 
Q: Why is it dangerous to make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.
It’s a play on words on the time period called “Jurassic”, corresponding to 200 to 150 million years ago (when dinosaurs roamed the Earth), and the slang term for being attacked and getting severely injured.
 
A few time travel jokes.
“One beer please.” A time traveler walks into a bar.
I would tell you a time-travel joke, but you didn’t get it.
The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
The best thing about time travel jokes is that they never get old!
 
A philosophy horse enters a bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves him, but notices that the horse seems sad, so he asks, “Hey, are you depressed or something?” The horse says, “I don’t think I am.” and disappears!
This joke is based on the famous statement by the French philosopher, Rene Descartes, “I think, therefore I am” (in Latin: cogito, ergo sum). I should have probably mentioned this at the beginning of the joke, but I felt that would have been like putting Descartes in front of the horse.
The joke is based on the play on words with the phrase “putting the cart in front of the horse” (note: Descartes is pronounced: “daykaart”).
 
Q: What do you call places in your house that accumulate a lot of dirt and dust?
A: LaGrunge Points.
A play on words on “Lagrange Points”, which are areas in space around the Sun-Earth system where gravitational forces are balanced, and objects tend to remain stationary with respect to the Sun and the Earth. These points tend to accumulate a lot of space dust.
 
A black hole is the tunnel at the end of the light.
 
Math puns are the first sine of madness.
“Sine” is a mathematical function used here as a pun for “sign”.
 
Today in math we learned that 10 is smaller than 5!
There is a mathematical function called a “factorial” which is the product of the multiplication of all the integers of a positive number. The factorial sign is denoted by the symbol “!” So the factorial of 5 (5!) is 5x4x3x2x1 which equals 120. Note: the period at the end of the sentence of the joke was left out on purpose for comic effect.
 
Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds. They’ve left no tern unstoned.
A play of words on “no stone unturned” and “tern” the seabird. Stoned, of course, is the slang term for being under the influence of drugs.
 
The naïve student registered for the computer programing class using Python and Java because he thought he would look cool drinking coffee with a snake wrapped around his body.
Python and Java are computer programing languages.
 
My friend the geologist saw that I was depressed, so she said she would cheer me up with ten geology puns.
She asked, “Are you having a gneiss day?”.
I closed my eyes and groaned.
My friend stated, “Well, anyone can have a bad day - schist happens.”
I placed my hands on my head and said, “Aaaahhh.”
She continued, “Come on, cheer up, let’s watch a movie. We can see Pyrites of the Caribbean.”
I rolled my eyes, and said, “Look, I don’t particularly like geology.”
My friend replied, “Of quartz you like geology. It’s just that you don’t take it for granite.”
I shook my head and buried my face in my hands.
My friend said, “I could also just cook a meal for you. Or have you lost your apatite?”
I said, “Please stop it.”
She added, “Or I could take you shopping for one of those marble-ous pendants made out of volcanic rock. They are guaranteed to cheer you up you know, because igneous is bliss, and they are on shale.”
“Look.” I yelled raising my hands. “This is not working.”
She retorted, “Oh, so if my puns are not working, what then? Do you expect me to gravel at your feet?”.
I said, “I appreciate your effort to try to cheer me up with your ten geology puns but…”
My friend interrupted me and said, “You mean no pun in ten did?”
Me: Ha, ha, ha…

To my knowledge these jokes and puns are not copyrighted. If you hold the copyright to any of these jokes or puns, please let me know and I will acknowledge it. Image by Perlenmuschel from Pixabay is free for commercial use and was modified.